Confronting Sin: How I Express Love for My Church Family (Part 3)

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“Do not rebuke an older man harshly, but exhort him as if he were your father,” Paul told Timothy. An older man in sin must be approached with respect. An older man would be approached as one would go to his own father. Paul did not specifically mention the age bracket of the older man here but the word presbyteros (πρεσβύτερος) in this context does not refer to the office elders but to the general category of older men. Since I initially established that my intention is to address the singles, I would direct my exhortation and questions to ourselves.

What will you do if you become aware that an older man is sinning? How do you treat the guys in the church with gray hairs? Have you encouraged them by sending a verse from the Bible? Have you asked them to be your prayer partner? Do you seek their counsel? Do you try even to get out of your way and out of your comfort zone to know a senior male member of your church? Or are you just so caught up with your activities with your friends? There so much to learn from this group of people. They have so much story to tell because of their long experience in life. They have witnessed a lot of events that they can help you navigate through life. They may even be a source of wisdom how a single man should court a single woman. They are our “fathers.” If your earthly father is not a Christian, do you take advantage of seeking the counsel of the older Christian men in the church? Do you even consider of getting to know personally your senior pastor?

Next, “Treat younger men as brothers.” Paul used the word adelphos (ἀδελφός) for the word brother. This signifies that both of you came from the same womb, may it be in a literal or figurative sense. There is no superior or inferior ranking here. There is no hierarchy because the word signifies equality. So our treatment with our brothers is with humility. You are not to hate a brother in your heart (Leviticus 19:17). You are to restore a brother caught in transgression in gentleness (Galatians 6:1). Why would we do this humility? The same verse explains that we could end up tempted by the same thing that caught them. For example, you learn of brother who fell in to sexual sin. What would you do? What would you say? In our fallen nature, we have this tendency to say in heart, “Why would he do that? He should know better. I will not commit fornication.” Be careful. You may be the next one to fall because of your arrogant pride. Every men in the church is your “brother.” You may have a brother who came from the same mother. But you also have brothers who born of the Spirit (John 3:6).

Consider the instruction in 1 Thessalonians 3:6 to keep away from every brother who leads an unruly life and does not live according to the tradition received from the apostles. We are not to associate with them as verse 14 so that he will be ashamed of his sinful deeds. However, they are not to be considered an enemy in verse 15 but to be admonished as brothers. They are to be reproved warned or reproved gently. Do you see yourself as your brother’s keeper?

Third, “older women as mothers.” Would you use words to strike or beat the mother who gave birth to you when you confront her with her sin? Would you be harsh, unkind and ungracious? You would probably exercise great care, gentleness and love as you confront. Paul provided an example how he confronted two women who assisted him in his gospel ministry. In Philippians 4:1-3 Paul said, “Therefore, my beloved brethren whom I long to see, my joy and crown, in this way stand firm in the Lord, my beloved. I urge Euodia and I urge Syntyche to live in harmony in the Lord. Indeed, true companion, I ask you also to help these women who have shared my struggle in the cause of the gospel, together with Clement also and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.” Look at how he establish his authority to call the attention of two women who are in disagreement. Read verse 1. He provided the context of love and gentleness. Then he urged them. Paul again used the word parakaleo, which means to come along side. He further instructed his true companion or yokefellow to help Euodia and Syntyche. He reminds him that these women are fellow workers, whom he cares and love. These women have worked with him for the gospel but they are in sin that they need to deal with.

How have you been an encouragement or support to an older women in the church? How have you served the widow? The single mom?

Lastly, “and younger women as sisters, with absolute purity.” Observe that this is the only one among the four groups he mentioned wherein he added the statement “with absolute purity.” I just finished reading the book of Leviticus and there so many instructions and commands to uphold sexual purity. In chapters 18-20, women’s purity are particularly highlighted. There’s so many do’s and don’ts. Bottom line, sexual purity is upheld because God the Lord is our God. You have a problem with pursuing sexual purity? You deal with God. Upholding purity is first and foremost in dealing with younger women regardless if you are dealing with a sin issue or you are just establishing a friendly relation.

Sexual sin is so complex and there is so much perversion with sex. God have laid down already specific rules to maintain sexual purity but man is sickly depraved that purity is not honored. More so, the God, who gave these rules, is not honored. One of the things that God forbids is incest. Again, the church is a family. If you feel a sense of disgust with incest and you feel sick with it, then bear in mind that you may have well commit such sin in your heart if you have looked with a woman in the church with lustful intent (Matthew 5:28). MacArthur said, “That is what is so corrupt and so heinous and so wicked about a [man] who goes to deal with a young woman and wants to help her grow spiritually and ultimately commits sin with her, he has committed spiritual incest by violating the family in the spiritual dimension.”

Evange-ligaw, date-scipleship and the like seems funny. But it’s not a laughing matter if you do them. You will bring disgrace to yourself and you dishonor the name of God. The purity of our sisters in the church must be maintained at all costs. The NIV renders pasē (πάσῃ) as absolute. I like how absolute was used because there’s a sense that it is non-negotiable. Purity is non-negotiable. We can come alongside with women in the church and encourage them to godliness and to holiness but with the absolute sense that their purity is upheld.

I had a talk with a brother about his thoughts on sexual purity. He had a previous discussion with someone who is not a Christian. He was asked why would a man be prevented or prohibited from expressing his love for his girlfriend. If they are committed to each other in their relationship, would a kiss at the back of the hand or smack in the cheeks be wrong? He answered that it is wrong since the man is not yet in a marriage relationship with the woman. Regardless if they are committed to each other, they are not married. Any activity that is reserved for the man and woman in marriage to do is not to be done outside of marriage. You do those things and you steal something that is intimately intended for a brother who will become her husband.

MacArthur provided some counsel from Proverbs how to deal with a young woman. These are areas where man are highly susceptible.

1. Avoid the look - Nor let her capture you with her eyelids (Proverbs 6:25b, NASB).

2. Avoid the flattery - from the smooth talk of a wayward woman (Proverbs 6:24b, NIV).

3. Avoid the thoughts - Do not desire her beauty in your heart (Proverbs 6:25a, NASB). Don’t cultivate a lingering thought pattern in your heart focusing on a woman that is not your wife.

4. Avoid the rendezvous - Avoid situations where only the two of you would end being together (Proverbs 7).

5. Avoid the touch - So she seizes him and kisses him (Proverbs 7:13a. NASB). Don’t be pretentious that a slight brush of the skin from a woman does not cause nuerophysical symptoms in your body.

Janelle Bradshaw counsels a young girl from this verse that if the men are going to treat the women as sisters in all purity, then women must act like sisters in purity. Men, do you treat your female friends as you would treat your sisters (or female kin)? Women, do you treat your male friends as you would treat your brothers (or male kin)? Single men and women, are you walking in absolute purity toward those of the opposite sex? Is your motive in conversing with others and pursuit of relationships marked by purity or is God-honoring?

This seems restrictive and it sounds like having friendship with the opposite sex is wrong. I would argue against such idea. If you are in the church and you are in really submitting to accountability and godly counsel, I’d be sure that you can navigate in building relationship others with much liberty in the Lord. If both single men and women are committed to purity and they are committed to pursuing godliness and biblical maturity, they would be a blessing to each other as brothers and sisters and not just as friends. Protecting the heart, by the way, is a mutual effort.

A further exhortation to men, women are not images but they are image bearers, as Ed Stetzer pointed. Get a real relationship and not a reel relationship. Grow up and stop consuming porn. Grow up and stop acting like a boy. Grow up and act like men (1 Corinthians 16:3).

Men and women, does your desire to compromise purity more than your desire to glorifying God? Are you willing to trade covenant benefits of purity with covenant security of marriage? Are your pursuits of relationship magnify Christ? Does your relationships adorn the gospel?