I Am 9

A post that was supposed to have been published last July 9, 2013...

Today marks my ninth year of service with CCC-Southeast Asia and I’m here on my sickbed. Ideally, I would be in the office doing my routine, clerical job. There’s no day off given for anniversary for years of service. But I got sick with flu a few days ago and now I’m on my relapse. The flu vaccine that was supposed to shield me from getting sick made my sickness even more terrible. If I just heeded to my intuition that this will happen again, I shouldn’t have taken the shot. I’m actually better off without the flu vaccine.

I’m forced to rest for the past days, which gave me an extended time to read my e-books, listen to audio books and to spend time in prayer, while having to battle with constant joint pains and flu-aggravated back pain. For the longest time since my major lumbar disk injury, I haven’t been lying in bed this long.

I was already feeling okay yesterday… thanks to Bioflu. But since I was left with my two elderly parents who got sick with flu because of me and with my nephew, I was forced to do the dishes and cook meal. It’s hard to think of anything to prepare. There’s nothing in the refrigerator that is nourishing, strengthening nor satisfying. But I have to prepare something for supper because we haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. How could anyone get well when they are famished?

Last night was a terrible ordeal. I wasn’t able to sleep at all. My body has been itching in random areas. The itch is painful. The itch is biting and stinging. I thought it was just my shirt. So I changed clothes. It was not. I thought it was bed sheet. I removed. It was not. I tried to remedy the itch with ointment but still the itch persisted. I could have related with Job. I was crying to God that He would relieve me of the pain. But He did not. I was thinking, “Am I being tested to practice the joy in these trying times?”

My lumbar pain is aggravated all the more by my tossing and turning just to find comfort. I wasn’t able to go to sleep at all. My head is throbbing. My eyes are sore. My joints are painful. Hello, relapse!

I was trying to get to sleep but still the itch is unbearable. I’ve already bathed in warm water but I got no relief. So I might just as well not waste my waking time, I decided to write about my ninth. Not an encouraging introduction, you might say. But that’s just it.

The Bible and the Pilgrim’s Progress taught me and reminded me these past days that my joy is not to be found in this world. This world is full of toil, pain, suffering, discouragement and frustration.

Today… my ninth year of service is celebrated with sickness and with sick family members and with fried tofu for lunch. Have I any reason to be gloomy? No. As I’ve said, my hope lies not on this life. This world is passing away and all that is in it. My joy is in the Lord Jesus and I will rejoice that my name is written in the Book of Life.

Today, I’m in front of a fork in road. This is nothing new. My past nine years has been marked with several forks. I have a lot of things going on inside my mind. I am anxious about a lot of things. New team composition. New but far office. Negative monthly financial balance.

Today, I may choose to follow another path. 

Today, there’s a lot of “what if’s” again.

Today, I am 9. It could stay that way or it could become 10. Who knows?

My Starmobile Diamond – Part 2

In this part, I would discuss why I decided to buy a Starmobile Diamond. This is partly a review but it would be very subjective. It’s based on my preferences. There are a lot of gadget reviewers out there. So I would leave you to check how they provide a more objective and detailed review of the Diamond specifications and features.

Since my Motorola L72 is almost six years and it’s already showing its age, I decided to go for a hunt that will replace my old dog. Besides my guideline, I told myself that I will really buy a gadget when I think I need digital help to become more productive and more efficient. Since I’m starting to forget things more often and I feel like I’m getting disorganized lately, I decided to finally get a smart phone.

So how does the Diamond fare with my guideline? Why not an Apple or Samsung gadget? Or why not go for Motorola?

I considered Apple iPad Mini. It feels great in my hand. Not too heavy. Pretty solid and has a slim dimension and design. I didn’t buy it because it still expensive and it’s not phone capable. I really like Motorola Droid RAZR M but the distributor here in the Philippines didn’t do anything to bring the device here even with Motorola fans clamoring about it in their Facebook page. Samsung offers good phones but it’s like none of their devices would fall squarely in my guidelines.

I first saw the Diamond last month. It was just a cardboard ad displayed in the shelf of E-Phone in SM North EDSA. I was intrigued with the DragonTrail glass feature. I inquired about the product and I was informed that it will be available by April at P9,990 and I can purchase it through credit card – three months installment with 0% interest. The first criterion is already met.

But I have to convince myself that it’s a worthy purchase to make. I have to make my research. I looked for the DragonTrail glass and I was pretty convinced with the torture test it received.

In my research, I discovered that Cherry Mobile has a competing product – the Omega HD. It has all the same specifications, except for the front facing camera. The Diamond has 3 megapixels and the Omega HD has 2 megapixels. The cost of the Omega HD is P7,999. I discovered more head-to-head comparisons. With the information from the internet, I thought that Omega HD is already a good buy. I went to the Cherry Mobile concept store in SM North EDSA but the rude staff told me that there’s no available stock. I would have been comforted if I was asked if I like to reserve a unit just in case there’s a next delivery or if I was asked for my number so that they could call just in case there’s a new batch of stocks. But none of that happened!

Then my brother told me that there’s a stock in SM Novaliches. I went to check it. I wanted to see and feel so that I can have a tangible appreciation of the phone. It really feels great in my hand. It’s pretty solid and sleek. It’s a 5” phablet.

I looked into the apps but the productivity apps I’m looking for is not yet installed. I don’t have internet in my home so downloading apps would be a hassle. In my subjective opinion, the IPS responsiveness of Omega HD is quite slow. I checked the camera. The store is well lit but I still got a grainy, soft image. The staff told me that they only offer cash or straight card payment with additional P300 on top of the unit’s price. And there are no freebies! The unit I checked is also the last piece. I would have wanted to purchase a product fresh from a sealed box. It was disappointing!

I told myself that I may consider another brand. I researched again. Omega HD is quite a heavyweight contender but there’s really no stock. Starmobile announced in their Facebook page that Diamond would be available by April 13. Then I saw Youtube reviews of Omega HD that ironically made me decide to buy the Diamond. Cherry Mobile doesn’t offer freebies but Starmobile offers a free screen protector and an 8 GB micro-SD card. The cost for the purchase of the Omega HD and accessories (don’t tell me you wouldn’t buy a micro-SD) would have been almost the same if you would just buy the Diamond with all the freebies with it.

E-Phone got a stock. My reservation was honored. I was asked if I would really buy one. I reluctantly said “Yes.” There’s no turning back. This is it! The phone was taken out from a sealed box. Sweet! Diamond has different exterior design than Omega HD but it’s fine. It’s a minor issue. The IPS responded much better and faster to my perception. The back and front camera seems better than the Omega HD. The apps I needed are pre-installed already. The screen is readable at any viewing angle. The staff also installed paid apps for free. I got my Diamond through credit card – three months installment with 0% interest.

The screen is really okay. I don’t have difficulty reading texts in my phone in the dark and especially in very bright outdoor light. It has Android 4.1.1 Jellybean OS. The photo I’ve taken registers an aperture of f/2.4. It has a BSI sensor. It basically has the same specifications as that of the iPad Mini. That’s pretty amazing! The image I took is pretty sharp and detailed. 

My high resolution DSLR photos are also previewed very crisp in it’s high definition screen. Diamond’s processor is a 1Ghz dual core and RAM is 1GB. I believe that all my criteria were met by Diamond. I will just see if it will last long like my L72.

Some additional notes:

The user manual is not too helpful for first time Android phone user or touch screen phone user like me. But the English is good. Compared to the manuals of the other Philippine-based phone companies, the English is well written. The box is pretty solid. You will have the impression that the product you’re buying is taken seriously and it doesn’t feel cheap!

Some issues that I yet to check with the seller or the service center of Starmobile is that it takes more or less seven hours to charge the phone. The user manual says the process would usually takes three hours. The free screen protector already sustained a number of scratches.

I would have preferred the black matte finish version of Diamond but there’s none when I bough my unit. Quite disappointing because the published announcement of Starmobile says it will be available in black and white.

There’s no available flip cover or silicon jelly case for this unit yet.

My Starmobile Diamond – Part 1

It took me more than five years to buy a new mobile phone. I’m pretty good with my Motorola L72. It’s still functioning and sturdy. It was quite a benchmark phone during its release. Until now, it’s my benchmark for reliability and stability. Of course, the RAZR was a better phone but I can’t afford it that time.
 
 Smart phones have invaded the market in the recent technological history. These are devices that merged the functionality of mobile phones and PDAs. I wanted one before but I was too picky, the cost of acquiring one is beyond my financial capability or I wasn’t really convinced yet that I needed one.
 
 When I started considering buying my own smart phone early last year, I made some guiding principles for my purchase. Of course, my benchmark is still my L72. So here’s my guide:

-          First, my budget is only P10,000 and if I will go for P15,000 gadget it should be a superb phone that I won’t be changing for a couple of years. I usually buy my gadgets cash. But most stores and brands nowadays don’t give discounts even for cash purchases. Since I have my credit card, I would want to purchase my phone in an installment basis and with 0% interest. With that, I could gain points for my card.

-          With the technological advancement today, I decided to go for a phablet. 9” tablets are heavy and mostly are not phone capable. 7” is still big. 4” smart phones are quite small if I intend to use Adobe Reader and office apps. A 5” phablet is just right for me.

-          It has to be a solid device. I don’t like the feeling the I’m holding a plastic device that would seem to break or crush if you put excessive pressure on it.

-          It has to have a strong, scratch resistant display. My L72 is still without scratch even though it’s not a Corning Gorilla glass. Those that have the Gorilla are quite expensive. But then Asahi released the DragonTrail glass.

-          I would like to have one that has AMOLED screen but as long as I won’t have difficulty reading messages in my phone in dark and especially in very bright outdoor light.

-          It has to have the latest operating system. Today it’s the Android 4.1.1 Jellybean.

-          Since I’m a photographer, I would like to have phone camera that has a wide aperture for low light situations and has a minimum of 8 megapixels.

-          It has to have a minimum of 1Ghz processor and 1GB of RAM.

-          It can have an expandable memory slot.

-          Connectivity via Bluetooth, USB or Wi-Fi.

-          Freebies, of course.

With that I will discuss why I opted to buy Starmobile Diamond in my next post.

On Ranting

“So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by mankind, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.”

- James 3:5-8, ESV

“The pen is mightier than the sword.”

- Edward Bulwer-Lytton

A couple of years ago, I was so angry with someone and I was expressing my displeasure and anger to my friends through e-mail. One of the recipients somehow sympathized with my emotions but pointed out that I was just ranting. I didn’t know the word at that time so I looked for its meaning. It says, “To speak or write in an angry or violent manner.” That was a pretty straightforward definition and I found my attitude and e-mails falling in that category.

For a person with an anger problem like me, it’s so easy to find something to be angry with or to find something to complain about. Unruly drivers, inconsiderate motorcycle riders, slow service from a vendor, dog excrements on the roads, politicians politicking to get votes, traffic jams, slow internet and the list goes on. It can go endless but somehow it has to stop.

For a person who doesn’t want to go down without a fight, I would try to find to retaliate. I will write a stinging letter or e-mail to reprimand whoever is my recipient. Or I will write a stinging letter or e-mail as a response if I’m the initial recipient of the reprimanding. As I’ve said, I won’t go down without a fight so I will find ways to prove that I’m not in the erring side. I would seek all plausible argument to shift all blame to the other party. After all isn’t it that the pen is mightier than the sword. Then let it be a good fight.

Before the start of the year, I just told myself that I have to stop getting irritated with the things that pisses me off. I can’t change others and the situation I’m in by getting angry. I also realized that I’m reverting back to my old angry self. I have realized that I have slid so far from the source of my real joy that’s why I’m so easily irritated. I forgot that I’m living in a fallen and crooked world. Am I being a salt and light to prevent its further decay or my attitude is just making it worst? It’s a shame that it’s the latter.

A few days ago, I was reading an article about being a servant. I was struck by one characteristic: A servant does not talk back. It felt like I was hit by a brick from above on my head when I was reading that portion. I haven’t been a servant because I talk back and I talk back through the e-mails or letters that I write. I tried to determine why I’m talking back. I just thought that I’m probably thinking, in my pride, that I’m a better person. I just thought that I was hurt so I will retaliate in response. Again, it is because I was proud. I also realized and noticed that my messages are often lengthy and I was reminded of Proverbs 10:19 that says, “When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise (NIV).” And Ecclesiastes 5:2 says, “Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore let your words be few (ESV).”

What now? It’s hard! On my own, it’s really hard. Even impossible! That’s why I need God to give me grace that I need to seek on a constant basis. I need to pray. I need to pray hard! I need wisdom and I can only find it from His Word. I need to learn to keep my mouth shut. I need to learn to keep my hands from typing and clicking.

I have to be circumspect with how I behave. Out there, I might jeopardize my life and safety or my love ones. In my family, it could seriously short-circuit my relationship with them. In the office, it may jeopardize my employment or damage seemingly volatile relationships.

Mt. Pulag Chronicles: Humbled

Almost a year since me and my friends were able to climb the summit of Mt. Pulag. I said in my second blog regarding our adventure that I will share how God dealt and is continually dealing with my heart issues using the climb adventure. However, because of busy schedules and since writing has been postponed several time, I got unmotivated to write.
 
This is a long overdue so I’ll give it a shot today.

It’s was an amazing experience to be on a mountain’s summit. It’s really like being on top of the world. It’s a breathtaking view. It’s a beauty to behold. Unlike any other beautiful things and sceneries I have seen, it’s a beauty that I want to stay longer. Enthralled. Mesmerized. Enamored.

But more than the captivated feeling, my heart was being humbled that chilling morning. I was wrestling with my emotions. A part of me was thankful and glorifying the Lord and another part of me wanted to glorify myself.

Because of several frustrations in my preparation that I have discussed in the first chronicle, I was telling myself up there, “You did well, Mark! Not bad for a first timer. Look the weather is perfect. Your friends are enjoying your hard work. No accident happened and everything went well. You deserve some recognition, don’t you think? You proved them wrong. Your other friends didn’t listen to you when you said the weather would turn out bad. Your group now had the perfect weather condition. Some of your friends didn’t go with you because they couldn’t entrust themselves to a climb coordinator who might end up a casualty. Look, didn’t you carry your own load? No back pains! This is your vindication.”

Then the other part of me would say, “This is God’s grace to you. Bless the Lord. Give glory to God! Your success is not possible without His blessing.”

I was like a Gollum-scenario inside of me.
Don’t you observe how much words did my selfish and proud self have said compared to what my other part have said. It says in Proverbs 10:19, “When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.”

I confess that I am one proud man. I don’t like being belittled. I don’t like being sidelined. I’m not happy if my ideas or thoughts are not respected or even just considered. If my preferences and expectation are not met, I get easily frustrated. It makes me irritated or angry. I have a puffed up view of myself.

My Mt. Pulag adventure was a good experience… and a necessary experience. It was necessary because I really needed humbling. I needed to have a heart check. I was looking at a beautiful and magnificent view created by God and there God is looking in my heart filled with distasteful anger, bitterness and pride.

I need a constant humbling. External situations may never change or they may never meet my expectations. The world I live in is a fallen world. People are not perfect and sinful. Family and friends will not always be there for me 100% of the time and there are times they will fail me. Each person has their idiosyncrasies and these peculiarities may go well with me or not. I will get hurt. But these shouldn’t stop from relating with others.

The battle with pride is not over. It didn’t end when I descended Mt. Pulag. A daily heart check is necessary and I don’t have to climb every mountain summit there is to have profound realizations that I’m proud and I need constant humbling. The Word of God is enough to see where I fall short (Psalm 24:3-5 and James 1:22-24).