A post that was supposed to have been published last July 9, 2013...
Today marks my ninth year of service with CCC-Southeast Asia
and I’m here on my sickbed. Ideally, I would be in the office doing my routine,
clerical job. There’s no day off given for anniversary for years of service.
But I got sick with flu a few days ago and now I’m on my relapse. The flu
vaccine that was supposed to shield me from getting sick made my sickness even
more terrible. If I just heeded to my intuition that this will happen again, I
shouldn’t have taken the shot. I’m actually better off without the flu vaccine.
I’m forced to rest for the past days, which gave me an
extended time to read my e-books, listen to audio books and to spend time in
prayer, while having to battle with constant joint pains and flu-aggravated
back pain. For the longest time since my major lumbar disk injury, I haven’t
been lying in bed this long.
I was already feeling okay yesterday… thanks to Bioflu. But
since I was left with my two elderly parents who got sick with flu because of
me and with my nephew, I was forced to do the dishes and cook meal. It’s hard
to think of anything to prepare. There’s nothing in the refrigerator that is
nourishing, strengthening nor satisfying. But I have to prepare something for
supper because we haven’t eaten anything since breakfast. How could anyone get
well when they are famished?
Last night was a terrible ordeal. I wasn’t able to sleep at
all. My body has been itching in random areas. The itch is painful. The itch is
biting and stinging. I thought it was just my shirt. So I changed clothes. It
was not. I thought it was bed sheet. I removed. It was not. I tried to remedy
the itch with ointment but still the itch persisted. I could have related with
Job. I was crying to God that He would relieve me of the pain. But He did not. I
was thinking, “Am I being tested to practice the joy in these trying times?”
My lumbar pain is aggravated all the more by my tossing and
turning just to find comfort. I wasn’t able to go to sleep at all. My head is
throbbing. My eyes are sore. My joints are painful. Hello, relapse!
I was trying to get to sleep but still the itch is
unbearable. I’ve already bathed in warm water but I got no relief. So I might
just as well not waste my waking time, I decided to write about my ninth. Not
an encouraging introduction, you might say. But that’s just it.
The Bible and the Pilgrim’s Progress taught me and reminded
me these past days that my joy is not to be found in this world. This world is
full of toil, pain, suffering, discouragement and frustration.
Today… my ninth year of service is celebrated with sickness
and with sick family members and with fried tofu for lunch. Have I any reason
to be gloomy? No. As I’ve said, my hope lies not on this life. This world is
passing away and all that is in it. My joy is in the Lord Jesus and I will
rejoice that my name is written in the Book of Life.
Today, I’m in front of a fork in road. This is nothing new. My
past nine years has been marked with several forks. I have a lot of things
going on inside my mind. I am anxious about a lot of things. New team
composition. New but far office. Negative monthly financial balance.
Today, I may choose to follow another path.
Today, there’s a lot of “what if’s” again.
Today,
I am 9. It could stay that way or it could become 10. Who knows?
